


I'll love you until you're gone

by mikamika_tsuru



Category: Shelter: The Animation (2016 Short Film), 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs
Genre: Angst and Feels, Dorks in Love, M/M, Young Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 08:49:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20775821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikamika_tsuru/pseuds/mikamika_tsuru
Summary: ‘But I’m not lonely.’Blue eyes blankly stares at the screen. His waist length curly orange hair was still being kept by the blue ribbon that was in his person the first time he opened his eyes and gain consciousness. His hand instinctively touches the ribbon, absentmindedly playing with its ends as he contemplatively stares at the message-less inbox. Familiar mantras repeated on his mind, over and over again that it probably became his coping mechanism for the past six years.‘I’m not lonely, it doesn’t bother me at all.’[ here comes SKK Angst Shelter AU, enjoy~ ]





	I'll love you until you're gone

_‘I wonder, what will become of me from now on?’_

Calm deep blue waters surrounded him. His orange hair swishes gently through the current, as if they were dancing on their own. Bubbles floated upwards as he releases some air from his mouth, azure eyes watching them as they ascended to the bright surface, white light filtering through the ocean blue liquid.

_‘After some time, I stopped thinking about that… or maybe, I forgot how to think at all.’_

As he closes his eyes, scattered memories flashes through his mind.

The bloody red hue of the sky. The overlook of the buildings in the city.

The next time he opened his eyes, he’s back on his bedroom again. Clutching the tablet in his hand closer to his chest, he at least felt the slightest relief on feeling the familiar object.

_‘Nothing changes anymore. This world that belongs only to me, each and every day I continue on living alone.’_

Slowly moving to a sitting position, Chuuya flip the tablet on his hand. The device’s screen lightening up as it senses it’s owner’s gaze. His finger immediately goes to touch the small messaging icon in the screen, disappointed sigh leaving his lips as it says **“No New Messages in 2539 days.”**

_‘But I’m not lonely.’_

Blue eyes blankly stares at the screen. His waist length curly orange hair was still being kept by the blue ribbon that was in his person the first time he opened his eyes and gain consciousness. His hand instinctively touches the ribbon, absentmindedly playing with its ends as he contemplatively stares at the message-less inbox. Familiar mantras repeated on his mind, over and over again that it probably became his coping mechanism for the past six years.

_‘I’m not lonely, it doesn’t bother me at all.’_

* * *

A yawn has escaped through his lips as he stretches, waking up on one of his slightly better mornings as he fell back on his bed. His azure eyes immediately landed on the planet like light bulbs that hangs on his ceiling, basking his bedroom in a soft lightning. A golden retriever stuff toy sat near the door, as if guarding him as its brown unseeing eyes reflects light. The light outside his room filters through his now uncurtained window as he stares, mind blank and body unmoving from his position.

After a few minutes of staring, the wall of his bedroom slightly turns into pixels, dissolving in the air as the scenery changes from early morning to near noon. The earlier mahogany colored walls became glass, and from where he was standing he can see the endless span of white clouds and space, waiting for him to start drawing and designing things that he would like.

Deciding that it would be a waste of time on waiting for any messages or notification to arrive, he plop himself down on the edge of his bed, fingers moving with ease as it locates the drawing app, the tablet projecting a pen as he immediately grabs it and starts thinking on what could he draw today.

His mind gave him various options: tall rock like buildings, grand canyons, trees, falls, oceans, desert, field, any landmarks that he thinks would give him excitement. Deciding he’ll draw all of it today, he started his work, pink tongue peeking past his pursed lips as he concentrates on his drawing. As he draw the scenery behind him changes, his drawings being projected into a real life pixels.

* * *

As months passes by with the same never ending routine, the only thing that changes was the season. The winter had already arrived, burying the surrounding place that he created with snow, freezing the water that drips inside the caves into sharp icicle, making the river devoid of the noise of flowing water hitting the rocks. The _aurora boriales_ giving out a neon green hue and giving the usually boring night sky with something new to see, something new to observe. Chuuya stood in front of the glass walls, taking the scenery in as much as his mind’s eye would let him.

As another season arrives, the pixelated view of the freezing world slowly dissolves and changes into the scenery of the sun high up in the clear blue sky and the greenery of the field that makes Chuuya’s heart skip a beat, as if it was trying to express his excitement on finally being able to step outside. His person immediately running barefooted on the ground, the grass acting as a cushion between his sole feet and the hard texture of the ground. His orange hair flows gracefully through the wind, acting as his cape as he jumps on top of the protruding rocks that was rapidly reaching the sky, a gasp of surprise getting out on his mouth as he grins, the first time he ever showed an emotion for so long. His azure eyes no longer dull and blank as he stood at the highest rock in the vicinity, looking down on the ground and estimating the speed of his fall if he ever dared to jump off the said rock, not like he’ll die from it anyway, as the place was programmed to keep him, or at least his consciousness alive.

As he got down from the tall rock, a certain tree with a swing catches his attention. A confused frown had found its way between his eyebrows as he looks down at his tablet. He hasn’t drawn any tree with a swing on. Deciding that maybe it was also part of the program, he shrugged it off. He stood up from whee he was comfortably seated on the grass and then approaches the swing.

When he’s in front of the tree, his hand reaches for the vines that acted as its chains so he could test the strength of it, when it happens.

The sudden return of his memories bombarded his mind, way back from his childhood until he’s on his teens. A certain brunette was consisted on his memories, and his eyes widens when he recognize him, recognize the face of the boy standing in front of him in his memory, his lips curved into a fond smile as he looks down on him, warm hazel eyes seemingly peering through his soul. His cheeks was flushed, but he doesn’t look like he’s flustered at all. Instead he’s looking at Chuuya with those loving eyes, and Chuuya felt his heart skip a beat, mouth opening into a gasp as he came back to his senses, azure eyes wide as his hand clutches the fabric that was located on his chest, his heart beating fast and erratic as different feelings had returned.

Immediately returning to his bedroom, Chuuya paced. He now knows the reason why he keep on checking his inbox. He now knows the reason why he’s in this place, in the world that Dazai Osamu created. The world that his lover had created just for him. Checking his message box once again he sighs, before throwing the said tablet into the bed, soon he follows, burying his face through the covers as he wept in silence, the loneliness slowly creeping in. He fell asleep with tears on his eyes that night, and a dream of his lover had his lips smiling on its own, contented as he doze off on his slumber.

Seasons changed once again, and Chuuya was still waiting for something, or anything from Dazai. He remembers now, that before his ship had taken off Dazai had kissed him in the lips, murmurs that ‘I’ll come and get to you as soon as I can, I promise.’ before he put Chuuya into a long slumber, the stuff toy sat on his side as his eyes slowly closes, falling into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

2578 days had passed, and there’s still no notifications from Dazai. Chuuya was staring to doubt that the other would be able to contact him at all, if both of them are unconscious. He isn’t even sure if the other had regained consciousness, or if the other had remembered him at all. Curling on himself he tries not to think too much of it, but its difficult, and Chuuya had fell for a restless sleep that night.

It was after a week when he was contemplating on what to draw when suddenly, his tablet had projected its own drawing. Sketches of houses and pathways shows in the screen, and Chuuya’s wide eyes immediately goes through the glass window, widening even more as he sees the familiar neighborhood. The neighborhood where he live in his whole life.

He lets out a surprised squeak when the walls distorted, the tablet on his hand flickering in and out of existence as well, but he hold onto it tight, not letting it out of his grasp as panic settled on his nerves.

_‘No no no no, Dazai hadn’t even contacted me yet! What’s happening? Is the ship going to crash? I don’t wanna die yet!’_

A flash of light, and then Chuuya sees himself back into his childhood home. It seems like his memories was being projected and shown to him and his eyes immediately falls onto a familiar short orange hair, back when he was still a toddler. He was running towards the kitchen, then the scenery changes into his house’s old garden. And then all of a sudden he’s falling into a pit of black, making him let out a surprised shout as he do so. The seemingly black void at first started to show his memories together with Dazai, with the two of them sitting on the swing and competing on who can swing the farthest. It made Chuuya smile, as the two of them never really changes since they were kids. Both still competitive to each other and no holding backs.

He watches as the 15 year old Dazai and himself lounge comfortably on the couch, limbs tangled with each other as Dazai feeds him an orange as they watches the news, the planet Jupiter too near on the Earth’s orbit for it to be out of colliding range. The government was at loss, but at least they were still trying to think of ways for the humans to survive, but Chuuya was contented. Even if they die together like this, Chuuya would be willing to if Dazai is with him.

It was also the very same day the prodigy had told him about his on-going project. About the device and ship he’s making for them to be able to leave the earth safely. And Chuuya had nodded, too proud and brimming with love and adoration for his too genius mackerel. Chuuya had watched him work most of the time, even help him out on bringing the raw materials that Dazai needed, arms strong even if he’s small, and Dazai had laughed when he flexes his muscles, saying _‘silly chibikko’_ before leaning down and swooping in for a kiss that was eagerly reciprocated. They were 18 at that time, and Dazai’s invention was rapidly being brought into life by the two of them working ceaselessly together.

He watches the last Christmas and New Year that they spent together, watches as 22 year old Dazai and him walk hand in hand towards the shrine, tugging on the rope that was connected onto the bell before clapping their hands two times and desperately praying in God, or whatever deity is out there that they’ll live together, that they’ll be safe.

As the Dazai in his memories walk past him, he started to speak.

_“Osamu”_

Abruptly turning around he was met with a familiar scenario, him and Dazai are sitting on the couch, sipping on their tea as they watches the news. Sooner or later the planet Jupiter will collide with Earth. Chuuya sees his own face with a grim expression, his right hand holding onto Dazai’s as the other watches the television with his one unbandage eye, face carefully blank as his arm wrap around Chuuya’s shoulder, tugging him close.

He watches as he and Dazai stood in front of the vehicle, the brunette squeezing his hand for reassurance as Dazai gave him a soft smile. He watches himself cry as he flings himself to his lover, lips finding each others and drinking each others feelings; the nervousness, fear, sadness, and grief. The first one who pulled away is Dazai, his long lashes wet with tears as he rests his forehead on Chuuya’s own, eyes closed and looking contented on basking in his presence.

He felt his own heart clenches painfully in his chest, and he bit his lower lip, trying real hard not to cry as he watches himself sat on the vehicle’s chair, as his lover injected the Propofol in his veins, as he slowly lose his consciousness and his lover lovingly tucking him into a comfortable position, the wires connected on his body carefully put.

As Dazai gave him one last kiss on the forehead, a horrible realization dawned on him as his lover steps out of the vehicle and closes the doors.

_“N-no… O-Osamu… W-what are you doing?”_ He watches with wide eyes as Dazai launches the rocket that they both made into the sky, his face looked pained and resigned but his eyes still shines, as if he was still glad that Chuuya can still live, that Chuuya himself was safe and away from the impact.

All of a sudden the memories that was being projected disappears and Chuuya’s person slowly floated down onto the ground. He was crying, wailing even, as he clutches the tablet close to his chest. Holding the last piece of Dazai’s memory close. Of the only thing that reminds him his lover had sacrificed himself for his sake.

A sound of notification had him reeling, hands shaking as his eyes landed on a single message. Carefully touching the message bar, the message opens, and there his eyes was met by a short letter from his lover that had his eyes tearing up all over again.

_Dear Chuuya,_

_By the time that this message had arrived, I’m no longer alive. I know that I’m being selfish, but I can’t help it. You know I love you, and I’m willing to do anything just to keep you safe. _  
_ Remember my promise? That I’ll come get to you as soon as I can? I’m so sorry if I broke that. I just couldn’t reach out to you anymore when I’m dead. And I’m also very sorry for breaking your heart. I know, I’ll repent, but make sure you’ll live long first, okay? As soon as the ship landed on a planet that have a perfect living condition for you, your body will wake up on its own. Although it might take a while but, hang in there, okay? Don’t do stupid things when I can’t look after you._  
_ If you’re also wondering why I didn’t join you… well, you already know why. If I joined and the expedition turns longer than I anticipated, the oxygen supply and other important things that your body needed might get sparse, so I decided not to go with you, as long as Chuuya can live, I’ll be fine with dying._

_I love you Chuuya, please live long for me._  
_ \- **Dazai, Osamu**_

“S-stupid m-mackerel…. I-I love you too…”

* * *

**500 Days Later**

_‘Even if those memories makes me sad. I’ve got to move forward, believing in the future.’_

Barefooted and obviously still unused on keeping himself upright as his body slept for so long, Chuuya’s grip on the ship’s side tightens. He took another step, the green grass that was soft on his feet helps him on biting back a discomfort.

_‘Even when I realize my loneliness, and am about to lose all hope, those memories make me stronger.’_

His left hand was holding the tablet that Dazai had once used before close to his chest. Picture of both of them smiling displays on the screen, making Chuuya's heart clench painfully on his chest.

_‘I’m not alone, because of you.’_ Shuddering as he took another shaky step, Chuuya kept on walking, now his eyes was scanning the wide green field present in front of him. He took a rather shaky deep breath as he closes his eyes.

_‘Thank you, Osamu. I love you.’_


End file.
